Dale Carnegie said “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.” A statement that is so true, and that has lowered the best of us to the level of a fool at one time or another in our lives.

It was Dale Carnegie who taught, through his book “How To Win Friends And Influence People“, the principles and mindset that we must adopt if we hope to hold sway over others and establish long lasting friendships with the people we meet.

As we can see through the reality of the world today, people are all too ready to criticise, condemn and complain about everyone they encounter. From their neighbours, their parents and their co-workers right through to the random motorist who drives too slow in the overtaking lane of traffic. We, as humans, have the natural tendency to always criticise and blame others, and never look to ourselves if something isn’t right.

This is human nature, we can’t be blamed for it, but what’s important is that we change this mindset we have, this mindset of “I am supreme, I do no wrong”. Humbleness is too rare a thing in this fast changing world, and the typical gentleman from the ‘olden days’ seems to have vanished from modern pop culture.

Tell me, if you were to meet a stranger at some party or convention, and this stranger found it most interesting in sharing with you how great his education is, what his ambitions were in life, and how rich he is planning to become, wouldn’t he come across as an absolute shallow idiot who only seemed to care about himself? Of course he would. So now tell me, why is it any different when you do the same?

People may seem interested in what you have to say about yourself, but most of the time it’s only to be polite. Now imagine if you were talking to someone and expressed a genuine interest about their life, not yours. A genuine interest as to what they’ve accomplished so far, and what their future ambitions were? People absolutely love feeling good about themselves, it’s human nature, and if you can cause other people to feel good about themselves, then people will not only love talking with you, they will befriend you. You will satisfy an instinctual need of theirs - a need to feel great.

How does all this relate to being a successful clan leader you may ask? It relates because when one is able to exercise a little humbleness and stop thinking about how great they are, they’ll be able to focus on how great others are. When you as a clan leader are able to have the mindset that your members are great - that they’re valuable, skilled individuals who you feel privileged to have under your command, then those members will become respectful and incredibly loyal to you.

Stop thinking about what you want from your clan members, and start thinking about what they want, and how you can provide it to them. This mindset that your members come before you do is the same mindset that many great leaders throughout history have adopted to inspire hope and high morale within their subordinates. I call this “The Mindset Of A Leader”. It’s the mindset that you must adopt if you hope to successfully lead people in any walk of life, including online gaming.

Many people think that online gaming is a different world separate from reality (and I guess to a large extent it is), but what you can’t forget is that at the end of the day there are real people sitting down in front of that computer, or Xbox or other gaming device. Real people that take criticisms and compliments to heart the same way as they do in “the real world”. We like to think we can ignore things on the internet, but the truth is, everything effects us to some extent, either consciously or subconsciously.

If you’re able to influence these “real people”, and make them feel happy and good about themselves, then they’ll be all too ready to be your friend, or a loyal clan member who stays in your clan for a long time to come.

I’m not saying that you want every clan member to be your friend, as such a thing is not possible (you are the leader after all, not a bum chum buddy to everyone), but what I’m saying is that you should be able to make these people your friends, if you so choose.

Don’t Focus On The Negative

It’s easy for us to focus on the worst of things. We can receive a hundred sincere compliments, but if we receive one bit of harsh criticism, we’re much more likely to focus on that and take it to heart more than anything else. We’ll do all that we can to reason to ourselves that the criticism is unjustified.

Here’s a thought to ponder - When was the last time someone criticised you and you realized that their criticism was actually justified? If an example immediately comes to mind, then I seriously take my hat off to you. If however like most of us, no immediate example comes to mind, then welcome to the world of human nature. We’ll be the first ones to dish out complaints, yet the last to admit we’re wrong. This is a mentality that isn’t easily changed, but one that we should attempt to change nevertheless.

When it comes to your clan members, the easiest thing to do is focus on what they’re doing wrong. Can you just imagine having an important guild battle, and one member insists on disobeying an order of yours, or the order of one of your officer’s? This is bounds for a dressing down after the clan battle, perhaps even removal from the clan, or so you’re thinking! Indeed, removal from the clan is often a good option to choose for members that have absolutely no respect for you whatsoever (and I’ll be discussing how to deal with them in future posts), but you shouldn’t ever remove someone based upon just one mistake before you’ve at least tried to modify their behaviour for the better.

If someone has made a mistake that needs addressing, the best thing to do is to focus on the good things that they’ve done so far. Compliment them for what they did well, tell them that you’re happy they’re a part of the team. Then, and only then, tell them they’re improving in the area that needs addressing, and then compliment them for that improvement! As an example - “…and I noticed you’re improving with your ability to accept orders from senior officers too, well done”.

You actually turn that mistake of theirs into a compliment. You tell that person that they’re improving upon the one area that you want them to focus the most on. Why would you do this? Because by saying they’re “improving”, the person begins to think that you’re taking notice of them as an individual, and that the one primary area you’re currently focusing on is their ability to accept orders from senior officers.

Once they realise that you think they’re “improving” within this area, the last thing they’d want to do is let you down. They’ll start to accept orders like a trained guard dog, they most definitely don’t want to disappoint you, not after you’ve told them they’re actually improving! This same analogy can of course be applied to dealing with almost any problem that a clan member has.

By not criticising your clan members, or complaining about them when they do something wrong, you won’t be creating any resentment within them. If you publicly humiliated someone for making a mistake, or told them to “do better” in future, then it will create nothing but resentment, and that clan member will not be loyal to you in the long run. All it takes is just one harsh criticism and a loyal clan member can be turned into a secret enemy.

Developing Yourself as an Individual

I created this section of the blog as a means of allowing you, the clan leader, a way to develop your mentality into one geared towards success. I’m not here to say that the way you currently speak to people is wrong or in need of improvement, in fact you’re probably better at it than I am, what I’m saying is that it’s the way you view people, and treat them, that will determine a large element of your success in running an online gaming guild.

So if you wish to gain anything from this first post within the ‘Personal Development’ series, let the lesson you take away be this: in the words of Dale Carnegie - “Don’t criticize, condemn or complain” and “Become genuinely interested in other people”. Re-read this blog post, analyse these two quotes, and let the full impact of what they mean seep into your subconscious and influence the way you treat people online. Practice being nice to people that are rude to you in online settings, and see the results you get.

You will begin to notice that people respect you the more you can restrain your criticism and judgment and the more you can compliment people and appreciate them for who they are.

Understanding this is the first step to creating The Mindset Of A Leader.